Short smart and funny tweets.... Get them on Facebook
Total Records: 3972
Sorry i cant ttalk to you WHEN IM LIVIN IN A VAN DOWN BY THE RIVER!!!
An apple a day Keeps the doctor away, But if the doctor is cute then screw the fruit.
My dick is temperarely stuck in the disk drive. my friend told me it was a dick drive
Whoever invented the idea of eating 3 meals a day deserves to be rewarded... food is incredible
I know Im beautiful but I still need my makeup.
Top Rated Tweets
If one sychronized swimmer drowns do the rest all have to drown too?
If they say TVs so bad for you then why do they have one in every hospital room?
Im spending some quality time with my pilow... and doing my spelling too (zzzzzzz):-D
Studying. Notice how they conviently put "DYING" at the end of this word?
im so cool i make the ice cubes shiver!
Newly Added Tweets
# The first thing I always do when a cop pulls me over is remind him he can't arrest me without a warrant so he knows he's dealing with a pro
NEXT!!! Can I help you? Nah. I just stood in line to say hi.
If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you.
you tweet me, i tweet back, you don't reply. what's all that about? if you don't want to talk to me, don't tweet me in the first place.
i hope dis is just a nightmare. im gonna wake up & open my eyes..... 1, 2, 3.... it's not a dream. it's not a nightmare. it is HELL.....
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